Ins and Outs: Spring Edition

Posted on March 1, 2011. Filed under: Beauty | Tags: , , , , , |

First of all I’d like to ask, who the hell made it ok for high top fades and gumby’s to come back? I swear I had to see a number of guys rocking those lately and it makes me wonder, who gave the bat signal that the latest trend should be the 1990s’ high fade with the lines on the side. Next thing you know, we’ll be seeing dudes with S-curls and a damn rat-tail in the back.

Sorry, I had to get that out. But while I’m in rant mode and on the subject, I gotta say I really hate lace fronts. Don’t get me wrong, I am a big fan  of celebrating beauty in all shapes in forms, but really, these things should be made for cancer patients only. I don’t think most females know how to put those in properly anyway and you can see a flaky line of glue along the forehead. Hell a regular wig looks more realistic. Celebrities such as Tyra Banks and Beyoncé wear them all the time, but they also shell out thousands of dollars for quality hair and a stylist. Spring is around the corner and it’s starting to get warmer. We’ll be noticing a lot of hot and sexy styles, and some not-so-hot messes. So I have composed a list of Ins and Outs for the season.

In– Getting it in

If you haven’t been to the gym lately or walked a good mile or so around the block, now is the time to do so. By the summertime, you should see the results you want and hopefully be in that bikini you bought for yourself as motivation. If you’re not quite there yet, KEEP PUSHING!!! You’ll get there. You don’t have to look like this

Out– Waiting until the summertime to get right

We all make excuses – it’s too cold outside, got other commitments, you’ll do it another time. But really ask yourself why are you waiting until the summer when for one it’s gonna be hot as hell and two, this is supposed to be your time to flaunt it which means that it won’t be until maybe the  fall until you see the results you want.

In – A flat stomach

I didn’t necessarily say washboard abs, but who wants a pudgy stomach? All it takes is to limit your sugar intake and stress and you’ll see the results you want. Not to mention, working all of your ab muscles and not just the top and obliques.

Out – Still losing that baby fat

If the last time you was pregnant was 5 years ago and you’re still trying to lose that ‘baby fat’, that’s not baby fat..that’s just fat, baby. Depending on your weight during pregnancy, the average woman at a healthy weight should gain at least 25 – 35 lbs*. If you’re overweight, at least 15 – 25 lbs. This comes from the following:

Baby – 6-9 lbs                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Placenta – 1 -2 lbs                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Amniotic fluid – 1-2 lbs                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Uterus – 2 lbs                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Blood Volume – 2 lbs                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Breast tissue – 1 -2 lbs                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   Water retention – 4 – 5 lbs                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Fat Storage – 7 lbs

The rest is just extra weight you’re carrying around. More cushion for the pushing! But some of us(me) used this as an excuse to eat whatever we wanted and ended up gaining 50lbs and keeping 20lbs. Don’t do what I did and give into cravings of food you normally wouldn’t eat if you’re not pregnant such as greasy cheese steaks, mayo, and italian cold cuts. Opt for healthier fare and think about what your baby is eating. And remember that it takes at least 1 full year to lose all of your excess baby weight.

In – Clothes that fit

Just a couple of years ago, you were wearing a size 6 comfortably, now that 6 should be a 10. Still in denial huh? Think guys find that attractive? Not really. How about buying stuf that fits you for right now and use the fact that you don’t want to shop at the big and tall stores as motivation. While they do offer stylish and chic selections for the fashion forward, ask yourself if you’d rather be wearing your size 6 SEVEN jeans.

Out – Muffin tops, tight ass jeans, saggy pants, and other unsightly things

These are a straight up no-no yet you would find them on every block. And guys, if it’s getting warmer outside, there’s really no excuses for tight jeans. If I wanted to see your package, I’d ask you to text it to me so that I can post it on Facebook and show people that you really do have a little penis. No one, hell at least I sure as hell don’t, wanna see the crack of your ass everytime you bend over in tight pants(this goes especially for you ladies). Yes, you have a fat ass. And your ass, is fat. And wearing baggy pants around your ass simply means that you’re a wannabe thug bragging about how many ‘bitches’ you have while wearing a suspect chain. Even some of the ladies are doing this shit. Most of them I think happen to be lesbians and I, for one, do not care how anyone, gay or straight, expresses themselves in what they feel comfortable wearing. But ladies, seriously? If it’s bad that the men are doing it why in the hell are you? Pull em up, and put a belt on please.

In – Dressing for the occasion

Wearing your club clothes to church is mutually exclusive, meaning that they cannot be worn at the same damn time. So is wearing jeans to a lounge. It only takes about 30 minutes to pick out an outfit, put some makeup on, grab your bag and go. And warmer weather should not give you an excuse to dress like a hoochie. If it’s just a get together, unless you’re trying to snag a dude you’ve been feeling for a while, keep it casual.

Out – Wearing pajamas at the grocery store

Not sexy, Not cool, please get your nasty ass in the shower and put some damn clothes on before you leave the house. Next!

In – Naturals

This must be the Era of the Natural because you see so many natural styles popping up and people transitioning from relaxed to natural styles. While it is a wonderful thing to witness, there are countless YouTube videos that posts ways to keep your hair right and product recommendations for your hair type.

Out – Dry Hair

Ok for some of us natural girls like myself, we suffer from dry hair. My hair drinks up moisturizer like it’s water and for some reason, it doesn’t stay too soft without being oily. And please perform loc maintenance every 6 – 8 weeks. I will call myself out to say that sometimes I don’t always follow that golden rule, but growing a 2 inch afro under your locs makes you look like you don’t take care of your hair. Locs are supposed to be neat, thick, and well maintained.

In – Weaves that look like your own hair

I used to wear wigs a lot and for most people, they thought it was my own hair. Ok, not really, but It looked good enough to be my own hair.  I’d prefer human hair because you can style it but there are some that come already styled that you can just wash and go.

Out – weaves that look like your own hair

If you don’t take care of your own hair, what the hell you think a weave is gonna do? The idea is not to neglect your hair once you get extensions, but to maintain it by keeping it clean and oiled.

In – Natural Coverage

Less is always more. I don’t wear much makeup these days because I work in a hardware store with too much sawdust and dirt for my taste, but some mascara, lip gloss and arched eyebrows go a long way.

Out – Makeup that looks clownish

Need I say more? We know you’re an artist and it definitely shows, But can you tone it down just a notch? Pretty please?

In – Wine tasting

If your idea of drinking fine spirits happen to fall under Grey Goose, Jack, Ciroc, and Henny, then you need to expand your horizons. There are a few wine tastings here in the state of Maryland but I’m pretty sure other states host them as well such as in Napa Valley California. There are also some wine tastings in local festivals and in the Alcohol and spirits shops. Check you local listings for events

Out – Moscato

I know I’m wrong for this, but moscato just screams single and lonely. Nothing wrong with being single, but why not take yourself or a friend to a wine tasting. There’s the variety, cheese samples, and you can feel like you’re living large and sophisticated hob-knobbing with the snobs. And best yet, they’re inexpensive.

*http://www.womenshealthcaretopics.com/preg_weight_gain.htm

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