Knowing your self worth: Tips for side chicks and jump offs #1

Posted on February 5, 2011. Filed under: Love and Sex, Mind and Spirit | Tags: , , , , , , |

It’s slim pickens out there folks. I understand this. We all have issues and we are all not perfect. There are a variety of reasons why relationships end, why women are single, where are the good men blah blah  blah, but no one has really much to say about the infamous jumpoff. Yes, I’m talking about side chicks, side pieces, baby girls, and boo boo’s. Here’s the scenario: you meet a guy, you two hit it off, he tells you that he’s married or got a gf but the ‘situation’ at home ain’t right and you pursue anyway. He seems like a great guy, and any girl would be lucky to be with him, so what’s her problem? This post is broken down into 2 parts and the second half will be updated next week. Yes, you are considered a jump-off/side chick, someone to have on the side in case the situation at home doesn’t get any better. I still believe that there are plenty of good men out there, but why go for the taken ones? I have 2 theories to this. 1. It’s all in good fun and you don’t have to assume the role of the wife/gf. And I’m just using wife as an example, but you don’t have to worry about keeping tabs on him. You both get what you want out of it and keep it moving. Or 2. Because you want what you wish you had. This reason comes from our own selfish nature of coveting they neighbors’ belongings. He has a good job, owns his home, takes care of his wife and kids, and you look at your own situation and wondering how the hell she got lucky. Remember that Chris Rock bit in Never Scared where he says that guys want someone LIKE their friends’ girl but women WANT their friend’s man? So true. But if you happen to find yourself in this position, here are a few guidelines:

1. Play your position

Most things in life are given a role. Men and women have gender roles. Actors play a role on tv and in movies. Side chicks are given a role too. You are in the #2 spot(or 3 or 4 depending on how deep his creeping goes) Your job is to perform the duties his wife refuses to do and send him on his way home. See, your job is to perform oral sex on him, stroke his ego, tell him that he’s special and relieve the stress and tension and send him back home to his wife. Got it? You get want you want, she gets what she wants, and he gets what he wants. Everyone benefits 🙂

2. Standards? Who needs those?

Sorry, but you don’t get to put on your moral superiority hat on this one. Both of you are in the wrong, but what’s with this lame excuse about how she needs to step her game up? About how she fell off? Is that looks wise? Didn’t he step out on her? Everyone falls off at some point. Could be because of the kids, could be work, could be anything that has your attention to the point that you forget to put on some extra makeup or get that hair done, or cook, or have sex regularly. To use a sports metaphor, she could be having a bad season. Don’t mean that the team overall sucks, just mean that her offense needs to be stronger and forced out of the box. Makes sense? Or how about this, if you allow a relationship to start off with both of you doing wrong, and you putting yourself in a position to be THAT female, just imagine what the rest of the relationship will be like out in the open. If you settle for less, you get less.

3. Use protection

I don’t care how bad he tells you about the sex or how long he hasn’t been with his wife, he’s still sleeping with her. If he goes home to his house and she still lives with him, he is still sleeping with her. To a degree. But nonetheless, wear protection. I know that you think that you got that oooooh weeeee! and part of the main reason why he’s with you is because that stuf is oooooh weeeee!!!! Think about it, why would you want anything his wife might be carrying? And what does that say about you to sleep with someone knowing that he is also sleeping with someone else? These days, STD’s are going around like the flu and anybody is susceptible to that shit. He’s doesn’t have to wear a condom with his wife but you? Yeah, wrap it up please

4. Don’t get caught up

This should be rule #1 or at least an extension of it. Because it always starts out as having a little fun on the side, then we as women get our feelings caught up in the mix and next thing you know, you calling his wife giving her the business about you and him. Know the reason why you got in this business in the first place. He could tell you all about the stars and the moon when it comes to the two of ya’ll, but if his actions tell you something different, then it’s time to reassess the situation.  If your feelings are getting stronger for him, let him know what’s up up front and don’t settle for anything less. You can’t be catching feelings when he takes his wife out to Maggiano’s and Occidental Grill and all you get is Red Lobster and Olive Garden. Because that means that you’re acting like a gf, when you should be on you knees performing rule #1.

5. Know that you are a side chick

If he wants to leave his wife, gf, or whoever for you, he would have already. WTH likes to be #2 anyway? I don’t care how ugly or bad you think she is, the fact is, there’s something that she has that you don’t that you envy and want from her. That’s called status. There’s wifey, wife, babymomma, girlfriend and friend. So what she may have fallen off just a bit, It’s life, we all do it. The Lakers can’t be #1 all the damn time. Sometimes, McDonald’s’ have shitty sales. Wifey just got lazy. And sometimes in relationships, we all have dull periods. It does not have to be related to looks. Could be other forces such as neglect, maturity, fallen out of love or whatever. But everytime you and her man go out together if that ever happens, and he only introduces you as his friend, he doesn’t want you around his kids, and you can only call and/or see him during certain times of the day, it means that you’ve simply given him all of the power in that relationship and you looking like boo boo the fool hoping that he someday leaves his wife. Is it really worth the stress?

Empowering yourself is all about knowing who you are and what it is that you want. I’m all for compromise in relationships, hell it’s part of the engine that keeps a relationship running, but not at the expense of your dignity and respect. I believe that good men are out there and are waiting for you, but you’re passing them over for those who turn out to be shitty anyway. Jumpoffs are kinda like novelties. They are the new booty, until they become old booty and the cycle continues…

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